Proposed Strategy for Fighting Pirates: USMC

November 20, 2008 by Pelikan
Filed under: Bush Foreign Policy 

Dana Perino: Not a pirate, but sometimes wears eye patch to briefings.

It’s Day 3 of one man’s plea for the country that he loves to go out and fight pirates.  They’re out there just waiting to be run through or made to walk a plank and we sit idly by.

Yesterday the British announced they would be putting together a European armada - an armada for God’s sake - to defeat the pirates in the Gulf of Aden.  When was the last time you heard the word ‘armada’ used?  Reading some 18th or 19th century history?  Watching Master and Commander on DVD?  This is some cool stuff and we’re on the sidelines : (

Here’s what the great potential pirate-fighting USA is doing: having meetings.  From yesterday’s White House press briefing with Dana Perino:

Q:  Another issue. What is the U.S. going to do about the Somali pirates? And has the President been briefed about the situation? Is unilateral or a concerted effort planned?

MS. PERINO: The President has been briefed about it, and ensuring the safety and well being of the crew is of paramount importance in preventing or dealing with issues of piracy. We’re working with other members of the Security Council right now to see if there are actions that we can do to more effectively fight against piracy and prevent it.

It’s a very complicated issue. There’s a lot of international laws that factor into these efforts. One of the things that’s clear is that piracy is something that is affecting a lot more — many more waters than any of us would have known about. I mean, if you look at some of the charts that have come out, that piracy is not something that just happened back in the 1500s. This has been going on for a while. The problem is now that it’s much more dangerous and they have a lot more weapons that they’re using. And the goal would be to try to help get this ship to safety, secure the crew, and then work with our international partners to try to alleviate the piracy problem full stop.

“There’s a lot of international laws that factor into these efforts,” said Perino.  Are you crazy?  There’s one supreme law on the high seas: No Freaking Pirates!  Unbelieveable.

Example of Marine Before He Kills a Pirate

Example of Marine Before He Kills a Pirate

I saw a commercial for the U.S. Marine Corps the other day, and guess what?  They’ve got swords.  And, guess what a pirate’s weapon of choice is?  The sword.  Need I say more?  I’m calling on W to immediately gather as many leathernecks and swords as possible and ship them to the pirates’ lair.  One thing that would be extra cool and send a strong statement to the rest of the world - and potential would-be pirates - is if we actually parachuted them in.  It’s a known fact that most pirates prefer to enter battle by swinging from ropes from one ship to another.  Can you imagine if about 500 enraged, sword-wielding U.S. Marines started dropping from the sky - without ropes - onto one of the remaining pirate motherships?  I guarantee they would shit down their wooden legs.

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Comments

2 Comments on Proposed Strategy for Fighting Pirates: USMC

  1. Jeff Bolle on Thu, 20th Nov 2008 10:57 pm

    2. As a United States Marine I wholly welcome this challenge. If our commander in chief decides to properly take on this threat, I promise you that the Marines are exactly the force to do this. I, for one, cannot wait to see what the pirates would do when faced with a platoon reinforced of Marines. Actually, I know exactly what they would do. They would stop being pirates.

  2. bob sindelar on Fri, 21st Nov 2008 9:10 pm

    3. The Marines helped defeat the Barbary Pirates in the First Barbary War (1801-1805), and Marine 1st Lt Presley O’Bannon was presented a sword by Prince Hamet, as a “thank you” award. That sword, Mameluke style, became the model for the swords now carried in parades by Marine officers.

    No doubt the Leathernecks could do it again, but hardly with swords this time around.

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